Ok, so here I am on Day 6, and I keep having these awful flashes of "time for wine." Starting @ 5pm, I start getting restless - my body knows that it is time to open my bottle of red. It's also time for a cigarette. I quit smoking 10 months ago - but my cravings are back - I think it is a cruel twist of nature to make my other beast re-appear while I am trying to throw my current one off my back.
This last year has been so hard, and I am wondering if I am setting myself up by giving up drinking now. I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to hope my kids don't notice, and I don't want to have to worry about whether I running out of red. It's time.
I am going away by myself for the weekend for a "silent meditation" so that I can really think all of this stuff through -- no bottles will be involved. I plan on writing a lot - there is a lot inside of me - and I am not feeling very articulate yet.
I am planning a ceremonial bonfire - and I am going to write down my secrets, my shame and my fears and then send them up in smoke. I'll watch the flames and the cinders and hopefully, I will see a future free of my old ghosts.
No comments:
Post a Comment